I wish to live

I wish to live a carefree life. The thought of having no worries brings me joy. Sadly I remember that my education is in the way and it’s stressful. Oftentimes I catch myself wondering If I want to go to college, but the fear of being a failure and a disgrace to my parents comes to mind and I remind myself that I can’t be a disappointment to them. 

I always thought about having a family. I frequently ask myself, am I fit to be a mother? I don’t want to bring a child into this cruel world knowing how extremely messed up the economy is. Bringing a child into this world is a huge responsibility. It almost makes me not want one. I mean I can hardly take care of myself financially, imagine a future where inflation is gonna continue to rise. 

Naturally one’s dream is to get married. Not for me, I’m extremely afraid of commitment, it is such a scary thing. That’s why I don’t see myself getting married. The thought of fully putting my trust into someone for the rest of my life and being madly in love is not for me. 

I hope in the future I will wisely make decisions that benefit me mentally, physically, and financially.